A letter to Seely G. Mudd

This is a letter to the Library that I wrote around this time last year (unedited):

I think it's time for me and the Library to break up. We've had good times together laughing, crying, shouting, studying, but it's time. I'm done with you Seely G. Mudd. I know that you may be upset with me, frankly I'm a little upset with you. It just didn't work; there was no communication between us. I mean I barely know you: What does the "G." stand for? What Science journals do you subscribe to? What are the security camera's for? Do you even trust me? This is why it can never work. And you know what else: you're too loud, full of too many distractions, people who are never doing any work, and sketchy townies who look up online dating sites and porn. You always give away my favorite tables - the round periodical or the 3rd floor window table - do you even know my name anymore. If I scan my ID into your computer would you recognize me? Because I'M NOT SURE. But really, don't take this to heart; I know it might hurt, but you've got some work to do if you're going to win me back. It's constructive criticism; think over what I say while you cry alone. And yes, yes I did cheat on you with New Science, and I might even do the same with Briggs. It's actually quiet there, I can use my cell phone where ever I damn well please, and they have white boards all over the place. In New Science, I practically drown in whiteboards; when I'm there it's like I can't escape the clean white sheen that emanates from the fresh boards. Oh and the pleasure of snapping off the cap of a fresh marker and defiling a virgin board with equations and numbers is just something you could never give me; you made me get a study group of 2 or more people just to have the pleasure of a chalk board - a want to be white board. You're just too demanding. Good bye Seely G. Mudd, goodbye forever...well at least for a few days.